


good pain

by prettywayward



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 08:45:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14016561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettywayward/pseuds/prettywayward
Summary: bucky puts his thoughts on paper - that's it





	good pain

truth be told i can't remember when i started loving you.

i don't remember the moment when friendship turned into something more, into wanting, into aching. was it when you first called me your best friend and told you me you couldn't imagine the world without me? or was it when you bit your lip and i had to look away, suddenly too aware of how i wanted you to bite mine.

but i know once i became aware of it it was like all the pieces finally fit in place. world was at peace because i was loving you i, and i knew it, and it didn't matter that you didn't love me back. what mattered was you. snoring in the bed next to me, pushing me when i teased you, smiling when i brought you ice cream.

having to leave you behind was the worst thing the world could have done to me. even worse was the slow understanding that once i came back - if i came back - i wouldn't be the same man who left you. blood never washes off. nightmares never leave. i was leaving a piece of my soul on the battlefield and i didn't know how you would react when you saw what was left of me.

but you came to rescue me. i loved you more than ever then.

i'm sorry i died right after that.

i'm sorry.

i was dead for all these years. dead, dead, dead like the people they sent me after. it was worse than war. one thing i'm thankful for is they didn't let me remember much. i think that's what let me survive.

and you found me again. saved me again. god, i owe you everything. i love you so much. and i'm still scared to admit that and scared to even be around you but won't ever leave your side again. i finally know you love me too and it feels so good it hurts. it hurts when you look at me like that, with adoration and admiration, when you whisper my name. when we kiss. when we do other things, things i was scared to even think about back then in our brooklyn apartment. but it's good pain - it reminds me that i'm alive now.

and i have a whole life to live with you.


End file.
